Welcome to Coriolistic Anachronisms

Updated July 13th

What a saga! Some are calling him a villain and want to crucify him, for others he’s just a fool, and yet the vast majority seems to sympathize. Zidane was one of the best, the stuff of legends, and idols die hard. The Pravda has gone as far as saying: « Seul un héros épique, un titan, un Hercule pouvait partir comme ça. » (French translation of the Russian text found somewhere on the web) !

In a series of inconclusive interviews, he apologized to the youth for being a bad example, refused to regret his act because that would mean accepting what was done to him, gave clues to what was actually said without quoting or being specific and finally, insisted on the need to not only punish the infraction but also the provocation.

But one thing is for sure, his little stunt has earned Zizou a strange reward: he’s managed to involuntarily steal the fame away from the Italians! Their World Cup victory was short lived, at least outside of Italy, and the world headlines have mostly been concentrating on the headbutt case, and most of all, the « Why, and what was said? ».

Not a bad way to go after all. Who on Earth, apart from rotten politicians and the like, can claim to have had so much written and said about them for just a mere 15 seconds caught by a lucky camera?

Or was it luck? After all, and this is the question I have been asking myself since the beginning, since the first replay of the incident during the game: how incredible a coincidence that there happened to be a camera (or better, two, judging by the different angles on that infamous video sequence) trained on Zidane, ready to record the action?

What were the odds of having a cameraman follow players not involved with the ball, 10 minutes from the end of a tied World Cup final? My guess is: pretty slim, next to none. At that stage, if I was a cameraman, I’d be glued to the ball. Yet some weren’t. Why?

Hehe, just my own grain of salt on an already very salty pizza… But when the dust settles, il faudra bien rendre à Zidane ce qui appartient à Zidane: il a(vait) le génie du ballon.

All right, now, all jokes aside. For those of you who really want to know what was said on the football field, here’s what the lip-readers of many nations combined have finally concluded; it’s quite sad, but such is life:

- Materazzi (holding Zidane from behind): Sorry man, I thought you had your comb with you. With all the Cup stress, I’m starting to loose my hair.

- Zidane (walking alongside Materazzizxme): Yeah, tell me about it. My hair is falling too. Especially on the top of my head.

- Maserati: Well, don’t worry, you’re still sexy, old buddy.

- Zidane (passing Mazettequati): No, seriously man, the top of my head is about bold.

- Maquettezazi: Really?

- Zidane (turning around and walking back towards Materreazil): I’m telling you, look!

(Zidane lowers his head to show Materacils, but steps on his own shoelace and trips forward. The rest is history.)

(Later, the referee - who was actually wearing hair implants himself - having heard the story from his sidekick, felt sorry for Zidane and went back to see him, handing him the red business card of his hair clinic. You can actually see Zidane squeezing the referee’s shoulder while he’s thanking him.)

 Posted at 9:31 PM in Bits and pieces: