introduce you to my blogging and life 
Thick convoluted clouds were drawing menacing shapes in a meaningless sky. In a song an eagle soared away, along with hopes and promises. Nothing in the early morning seemed to make sense. The scene outside the window was an abstraction. A few tables to the left, a math student was transferring long strings of numbers from loose sheets to a computer, as if numbers could make sense of our lives.
The night had offered very little sleep and dawn had brought bad dreams. Now coffee was finally infusing some soothing warmth into icy waters. But with a newfound peace, the questions as always came in focus.
How does one leave glory behind to settle into an anonymous existence? Will the dreams of furious seas and raging storms ever stop recurring, so fantastic now that they are free of substance but terrible when they were a reality? Can skin ever forget the fierce assault of a tropical sun, the burning caress of bright sandy beaches and the friendly sting of salt water? Will the call of the deep ever fade away or will it forever haunt me, enticing me to find dark and cold places to jump into, and be weightless, and be alone, and be free?
Those depths where life hangs on a thread, intense and full of purpose, how I miss them now that my whole life revolves around down-to-Earth realities. Buying groceries. Finding a cheap place to stay downtown. Making ends meet.
There is nothing as melancholic as a battle lost. Except, maybe, a battle won.
« I « think » when you miss places, lives or people, it’s good to do the meditation thing: you watch yourself missing it, you notice how you long for it, and then you let it go, and the observer is just that, an observer. Wonderful advice, which of course, i’m incapable of following! »
Date of comment: 2006-09-23 13:57 •« Or ask yourself : was I really happy, then ?
»
Date of comment: 2006-09-23 20:14 •Would I voluntarily choose to go
back and live what I lived ?
Is that what I really want, now, or do I only think I do ?
« and then, you can allow yourself to cry on your own shoulder.
Date of comment: 2006-09-23 20:22 •And then, and only then, you can start counting your blessings.
That will take you a long time.
Enjoy. »
« Sigrid: I can do the observer thing endlessly, it works very well. When I’m balanced. But the haunting thoughts always catch me off guard, when I’m weak or unprepared or exposed. It takes a while to regain composure and that’s when they thrive, that’s all. It’s temporary. But these things, for better and for worse, I’ll miss forever.
»
Date of comment: 2006-09-23 20:30 •Anonymous: of course not, I wouldn’t necessarily choose to go back. It’s not the situation as a whole that I miss. But we’re talking about flash of pure, undiluted LIFE here. Moments of absolute perfection, like swimming 8 miles off shore, in 4000 feet of water, whith a pod of sperm whales... That’s what haunts me forever.
Hehe, blog = couch?
« Je passe tellement par les mêmes phases et on connait tellement ces élans de nostalgie toi et moi (dont je ne sais pas toujours sortir pour ma part) que je n’ai aucun conseil à donner... Just moral support, if ever it can helps! »
Date of comment: 2006-09-24 06:15 •