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Coriolistic Anachronisms | The urban legend of the LandLords, the LandWorms and the BlackCats - Coriolistic Anachronisms
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Coriolistic Anachronisms

   

The urban legend of the LandLords, the LandWorms and the BlackCats

Once upon a time, in a busy eastern shore Metropolis of a remote planet in a distant spiral galaxy, lived three very different races. Two of them, the LandLords and the LandWorms, were linked by one of nature’s most cynical symbiotic relationship: the Quest for rental housing. The third race kept to itself, rarely interfering with the outside world; they were the LandOwners.

The Lords and the Worms had always needed each other to survive and because they both provided the other race with exactly what it wanted, they had become tangled in a ballet of endless love and hate, their needs being stronger than their pride. Some had to find a roof for themselves, others were there to provide it. The possibilities were infinite.

However, individuals were slowly evolving and since with knowledge comes a critical mind, both races soon began selecting their partnerships more carefully. Some Worms now only wanted to live by the river, others only in high towers, or with all amenities included. Lords would no longer want large families, they would refuse to deal with immigrants, or seek young professionals rather than aging people.

It’s around that period that Krijke arrived from the faraway continent of Sor Argul. She was a traveling LandWorm with fire-red hair and a Peugeot cycling machine. After drifting around the planet through many magical places, she had hoped to find easy shelter in the Metropolis and it’s totally unknowingly that she fell into the trap of the Trogos.

Also known as Trogolodytes, the Trogos were a particularly vicious LandLord specie, low-browed apes with stings in their substantial tails. They had evolved from cave-dwelling primates and retained the ability to walk on two legs but they had also adapted to the tunnels and the darkness, growing their appendage and stinger as a powerful torture device.

Trogolodytes prayed on unsuspecting Worms and even though their viciousness was bottomless and their sting nasty, many of the Worms that fell under their control would give in and abandon the Quest for housing. They would just stay and exist, licking their wounds from time to time, with dreams of a better life but no real eagerness to seek it.

However when Krijke realized she had willingly stepped into a Trogo cave, it wasn’t long before she began to fight them back. It was a terrible epic battle. Thunder rolled, the sky was slashed by lightning, towers fell and many moons rose while the sun circled the planet inexorably. In trouble, she sought an alliance with the mighty BlackCat race which had been at war with the Lords since the beginning of time itself.

Her new allies at first pretended not to care. They were proud and had her jump through many loops (Cats were once adored on that planet and treated like gods, and they have never forgotten it) but their power was real and by walking under enough ladders, they eventually began to turn the tide.

The Trogolodytes put up one last heroic fight, invoking the sacred YouLeasedItYourScrewed document ratified in earlier days, "One Lease To Rule Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them". Then suddenly they broke down. Their anger turned elsewhere, stingers aimed at easier prays and they released Krijke from their control. The LandOwners turned slowly in their hammocks, yawned and whispered with pale eerie voices: "Come and join usssss…"

But freedom was calling and Krijke roamed to another shelter, making sure the new Lords would be of a better nature. She has lived there happily ever since. It is said that the mighty BlackCats still visit her on a daily basis, patrolling her environment while pretending to care about nothing but milk or a treat.

The next time you see a BlackCat giving you the "Talk to the paw" attitude, remember the great battle with the Trogolodytes and treat the feline with respect and deference. "Hello Human," it’ll say. "Could you please scratch me behind the ears? In exchange I’ll protect you from evil Trogolodytes. There… Purrfect…"

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4 Comments

  • Vince

    All right, not too sure exactly what happened to me there… I must’ve had a fever. But as Gaby and I were discussing recently, it’s always interesting to pick a subject and write about it on command, as an assignment. It’s hard and it’s humbling. But hey, blogs are supposed to me a place where anything goes. Besides, my ego died a long time ago… ;-)

    So my thanks to Marie for providing me with the idea and my apologies for stealing it and goofing shamelessly with it.

    Reply
    Comment logged on 2007-8-8
  • NewYorkangel

    ….Well..Je le pensais déjà, mais là, tu viens de le confirmer…
    You know what?? Tu es dinnnngue…!!!
    Mais drôle, alors ça rattrape!
    :-)

    Reply
    Comment logged on 2007-8-8
  • Marie

    !!!!!!!

    Well, Vince, I’ve been scrambling around clothesless on my terrace in pounding grey rain trying to avert s flood, and now I’m sitting here shaking with laughter, which started ten minutes ago. I blame you!

    Madness is very, very underrated. Thank you!

    xx

    :-) :-)

    Reply
    Comment logged on 2007-8-8
  • Vince

    Thank you both, glad to get confirmation that I’m crazy – now I can move on to a new level… ;-)

    Angel: welcome back! When are you headed north?

    Marie: you can blame me all you want, the floods were actually caused by the Lords battling the Worms somewhere in Brooklyn. Ask Estorbo! :-)

    Reply
    Comment logged on 2007-8-8

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