Here are some excerpts of my recent email interactions with the mighty Amazon support imbeciles regarding my Kindle app for Android.

There was a known highlighting issue, forums were full of complaints about it, I figured I’d add my vote to pressure Amazon into correcting it. Here is part of the reply, the rest is all templates and not worth quoting:

“… I’m really very sorry to know about the problems you’re having with your Kindle for Android application. We certainly don’t want you to experience any inconvenience. I’ll surely look into this for you.

I’ve checked your account and believe you should not be facing this issue. In this case, I’d suggest you to please try uninstalling the application and reinstalling it. I’m sure this will correct the issue…”

You’re sure, uh? Why not uninstall Android, re-format my hard drive and throw my tablet out the window, while you’re at it?

So I bitched because my issue was not addressed:

“… I’m so sorry to know that your concern wasn’t addressed properly in the previous contact and you had to contact us again. This definitely would be of great help to our customers...”

What would be of help to whom – was the guy high?

And then on another issue after I reported that thumbnails were appearing erratically:

“… At this time, to add the thumbnail on the kindle app for android is not available. (It is, you twit, it just doesn’t work well]

I would like to inform you that when we launched the kindle fire that time we received customer’s feedback from your customer to add new feature in kindle fire. We forwarded those feedback to our kindle development team, our team add those feature in kindle ( in form of software updates)…”

Trick question: even Google Translate can do better than this, so if the person who replied did not speak English, why were they hired/outsourced in the first place? Besides, my request had nothing at all to do with the Kindle Fire – and yes, one normally refers to their own company’s products with capital letters.

And after my outraged response:

“… I’ve reviewed our previous correspondence with you, and I’m very sorry about the incorrect information you received.

I understand that the thumbnails of books downloaded rarely shows in either grid or list view on your Kindle for android app. [Wow, he got that right]

However, this is something that we need to take serious consideration for change in how this process works…”

The last sentence, wow, again this is either poor machine translation or just drugs, as it means nothing. Man, these people are dumb! I mean the supposedly smart people who put the illiterate people at the support keyboard. How many million dollars a year does Amazon pocket?