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Jan
25
Vintage! This is a random post. The year was 2005...
Here is the result of a wine induced slight delirium attack, months ago ; I was dreaming of visiting my dear France soon, and ended up trying to summarize the essence of “la langue de Molière”. The following are my own updated translations – and explanations - of a few typical expressions…
- La France est le nombril de l’univers. France is the center (« belly button ») of our universe. (I know, it’s obvious to you, but you’d be shocked if I told you how many Americans ignore that .)
- Pouvez-vous me dire si les éclairs ont gagné la partie? Could you tell me if the Lightning won the game? (Note : maybe using the English name of the team would be better, since translated into “éclairs”, it means a French pastry and might cause some confusion…)
- On ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux. (From “The Little Prince”, by Antoine de St-Exupéry. Immortal.)
- Ne ramène pas ta fraise! Oh, shut up! (Word for word, “Don’t bring back your strawberry”. The French like food.)
- Sans mentir, si votre ramage se rapporte à votre plumage, vous êtes le phœnix des hôtes de ces bois. No lies, if your singing is as pretty as your looks, you are the Vin Diesel of this place. Also equivalent to the shorter : “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" But the first is actually part of a French La Fontaine poem, so intellectuals will dig it…)
- Putain de bordel de merde! Sorry, no translation available. Let’s just say you might use that when you just stepped into yet another dog sh… on Les Champs Elysées in Paris.
- Il pleut à boire debout!It’s raining cats and dogs. If you’re still in Paris, it will wash the sh… off your shoes. (Word for word, « One could drink the rain standing up »)
- Il vente à décorner les taureaux de Camargue! The wind is so strong it could pull the horns off the heads of bulls in Camargue! Camargue is a beautiful reserve in the south where pink flamingos, horses and bulls live in the wild. The people of the south always exaggerate their expressions a bit, o peuchere...
- Vos chiottes sont dégueulasses! Your toilets are disgusting, you French pigs! (Well, no one’s perfect… Anyway, it’s like ze hypo’, he always wanted to be a zebra...)
- Ça pue ici! It really stinks in here! (Rarely useful since it is considered acceptable to smoke and smell like perspiration almost everywhere in public places.)
Did I mention I unconditionally love France and its inhabitants?
2005-01-25 21:33 • Posted in
We now go back to current chronological entries:
May
6
It’s happening again. I’m daydreaming of diving. So to soothe my pain, I go back to the roots and visit old friendly places. Paradise Divers on Little Cayman is one of those. Their web site used to be my baby, and re-reading the newsletter, I couldn’t help but to laugh out loud. So I’ve decided to reproduce here my two favourite articles. I wrote them both for fun and in a comical interview style, but the facts are true and those Nassau Groupers really existed and behaved the way that is described. They were (still are, I hope, as far as Jerry is concerned) the funniest thing!
This first one appeared in the Fall 1999 newsletter.
« Those who have dived with us already know Ben the Grouper®, the famous friendly mascot of Bloody Bay, living on Mixing Bowl, Marilyn’s Cut and Donna’s Delight. In an exclusive interview with two of Paradise Divers’ instructors, Ben revealed a few of his secrets and talked about his Benpreoccupations.
Harold: Ben, how do you explain your fascination with scuba divers?
Ben: Well, it goes back to my early childhood, when I was still a wiggling minnow. I was always attracted by the noise you make underwater, and frankly, you are rather ugly and most clumsy. But on the other hand, you are also very large, strong, colorful and a lot more efficient than the cleaning fish.
Vinny: Then you just consider us to be large cleaning fish, is that it?
Ben: Of course. Why, do you serve another purpose?
Harold: Hmm. Ben, tell us about your reef neighbors. Do you have enemies, friends, or business partners?
Ben: Definitely. The reef is a complex and quite amusing society. I don’t really have that many enemies, apart from an occasional shark cruising the top of the reef. I’m too fat for the barracudas and too small for the sea monsters. Actually, the real danger comes from the fishermen who come here despite the fact that it is forbidden to fish in the Park.
Harold: What about friends?
Ben: My nephew Jerry is my best companion, even though he sometimes gets on my nerves by imitating me. But he will be perfect to take over my contract when I get too old for this. Otherwise, I get along with the green morays, we sometimes hunt together, or at least I like to think of it that way...
Vinny: Ben, we are aware that you’re a pretty busy grouper, so would there be a last message you’d like to give to the guests of Paradise Divers?
Ben: Yes. I love playing with the divers but only as long as they respect me and my environment. I don’t really like to be poked in the eyes and simply hate being petted against my scales. And regarding your long plastic fins, they can cause tremendous damage to my reef gardens. Please be cautious and remain well above them. Oh, and one last thing: Jerry and I are probably a bit strange, liking human-fish contact the way we do. But the other creatures don’t, so try to leave them alone... They have a right to a peaceful existence.
Vinny: Thanks a lot, Ben. We hope to see you soon underwater!
Ben: You’re most welcome. My reef is yours to enjoy. »
« -Qu’est-ce-que signifie « apprivoiser » ?
-C’est une chose trop oubliée, dit le renard. Ca signifie « créer des liens ». »
[Antoine de Saint Exupéry - Le Petit Prince]
(Reproduced with my own permission and hoping the PD management won’t mind since I’m plugging them as well... )
Part 2 coming soon...
Defined tags for this entry:
funny
2006-05-06 00:04 • Posted in ICMOL:
« « Il pleut à boire debout ». Je ne connaissais pas celle-la tiens! Moi je disais tout bonnement: « il pleut comme vache qui pisse ». Certes moins élégant. Mais tellement plus politiquement correct envers les cul-de-jatte ou invalides de guerre. »
Date of comment: 2006-09-08 10:21 •« Tu es marrante toi... Qu’est-ce qui te permet de supposer que les invalides de guerre n’ont pas aussi perdu leur... mais je m’égare.
»
Date of comment: 2006-09-10 23:18 •