We live in a strange world, an intricate web of corruption, evil, waste, paranoia, merciless wars and… sheer simplicity.

To emphasize that last characteristic, the White House has created a section on its website called “We the People” which it labels “Your Voice in Our Government”. The purpose of said section is to give Americans a tool to engage their government in a way that matters to them through – no, please, don’t laugh yet – online petitions.

Some use the petition tool to try and make a difference. Browsing the site, you’ll find petitions targeting the sale of firearms, women’s rights, aboriginal culture and other very righteous topics. The problem is, not everyone in this country was granted the gift of a brain. So it comes as no surprise – despite my thundering laughter – that other people waste their time, and that of our government, in the most ridiculously lighthearted entertainment. And yet, despite all odds, the Establishment shows real balls and a sense of humor. Let me give you an example.

One petition recently signed by over 34,000 morons was titled “Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016”. To its everlasting credit, the White House did not panic. Its response was titled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For“. I still laugh every time I read it. Mr. Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget (and his speech writers) have a serious sense of humor. Kudos to them.

He goes on writing that, and I quote:

  • “The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

His reply shows seriously geeky Star Wars knowledge and is just funny as heck. Mr. Shawcross then says that “Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System” and concludes “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force”, or in other words, we, the U.S. are the Jedi Council.

How daring! Bear in mind, this is posted on an official U.S. Government website. You should see my smile right now.

[screeching sound]

But then again. Half the Death Star estimated construction budget is currently being spent on our military effort. Sigh. They just know how to sugar-coat it. Could anybody fill me in on the status of planets Afghanistatooine, Naboorak and Libyagobah?